Barren Hannah

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Hannah felt sad because she hadn’t become pregnant. She felt inadequate as a wife and as a woman in general. She was mocked because of her barrenness but her husband loved her in spite of it.

At the peak of her grief, she cried before God, telling him that if he would allow her to become pregnant, she would dedicate the life of the child to the ministry.

So here’s barren Hannah, begging God to allow her to have a child. But why? I think that I would be sad to give away the child I’d begged for.

If Hannah had been having children all along, she would have never offered to dedicate the life of her miracle baby to ministry. I think that’s why God allowed the barrenness.

Is that why I’m alone right now? I certainly can relate with Hannah. Not because I don’t have children, but because I don’t have a partner. Everyone around me is marrying and building families. It makes me very sad that I’m still all alone. But is God creating a rock-bottom for me to hit, so I will dedicate everything to him?

I’m going through this time of alone-ness for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is…I was about to say, “I don’t care what that reason is.” But I do care! And God wants us to ask questions when we don’t understand something.

So: God, why am I going through this time of alone-ness? I’m lonely and sad. What are you trying to teach me? What do you want to make out of me? How do you want to use this time to mold me? I’m hungry for some answers here. More than that, I’m hungry for companionship, affection, a passionate kiss. I’m desperate to be loved and to feel beautiful. When will I feel that way? Can you do it? I know you can. Will you?

I need some new motivation for happiness. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation.

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