ChatGPT Prompts

Write from the body, not the brain: 

my body feels empty, alone. i hate that negative words are my instinct. 

I am neither empty nor alone. 

i do feel as if i'm atrophying and need flex this muscle. Writing, I mean. 

i don't care if i'm good at it. 

my mind feels foggy and hazy. i'm often in a fog of pain. it feels like a fog. i'm pretty adjusted to it, but sometimes the fog gets too thick. makes it so functioning normally is difficult. 

I'd love a word counter feature on this blogger. 

Is anyone reading blogs anymore?

Sometimes i have thoughts worth saving but i can't get to a scribe quickly enough. 

All i want to do is smoke. I just put out a cigarette so i could type with both hands and i immediately want to light another one. 

I can feel my legs tingling tonight. I did take several hits off a pipe. I should take another. Maybe it's making me feel good. It's hard to tell. 

The Unsent Letter

The prompt is telling me to write a letter to my future self or my past self. or to something abstract. how about smoking. 

"Oh Dark Mother, 

Once again I suckle at your smoky teet."

Gunther said that in Friends when he takes a drag from Chandler's cigarette. 

I want to smoke every minute of the day. There's not much thought behind it. 

Sometimes I have trouble breathing. I hate that part. And that's the part that's going to make me stop. I try to remember what that feels like. When I'm smoking. 

Stephen smoked. My grandfather smoked. I don't have children to stay alive for. I want to stay alive for the other folks in my life. I'm just saying no one is relying on my for anything. That old troupe of "I want to be healthy for my family" doesn't apply to me. 

I used to say I would stop smoking when I got pregnant. 

The Small Overlooked Moment

I'm watching Agatha's puppy while she's in Brazil. She's been giving me a little grief. Getting out of the gate mainly these past weeks. Today she hasn't escaped once. She stayed in the kennel a long time yesterday. But also daddy said he did some more patching to the gate. So i don't know which thing is making her stay inside today, but i'm grateful for it. 

I had leftover chicken nuggets from Wendy's for lunch. With Polynesian sauce from Chick-fil-a. For dinner, there was leftover Greek food, which was a delight. So I ate today. That's a good thing. 

I am drinking wine and having weed and cigarettes this evening. But I had a Benadryl about 45 minutes ago. It might not work at full speed since I had one yesterday as well. 

Shadow-lite (curious, not heavy)

A part of my that only comes out when I'm alone is...

Thoughts of the pediatricians office. The smell. The cartoon paintings on the walls. Dr. Honimin (I don't know how to spell his name. I think there was a 'g' in it but i just don't know where it goes). He was an old Jewish man, a smoker. and a jokester. I enjoyed seeing him very much. And from what I can tell, mom took all three kids to him. 

That was a weird place to go. That's not what i think about all the time. The part the comes out when i'm alone, right now i think it's the pity party. but that's not true. I rage against the pity party. I try so hard to find things to be grateful for, to be happy about. My baseline is joy and i want to keep it that way. 

I want to feel these keys under my fingers and having it feel like i'm playing a classical piece. I want to move with precision and forethought. I want to have something to say. I believe if I had something to say, i'd be able to harness the voice with which to say it. But the problem is I don't have anything to SAY. 

Listen to me, O great Void, I have this idea you should know about. 

I don't have any of that. 

Structure

Lately I've been thinking about: 

Eating. I may be developing an eating disorder. I'm a little overweight so I don't really mind that much. I'm pretty sure that when it corrects itself, I'll get chubby again. So I'll take advantage of the weight loss right now. If I got fed crab legs every day, I'd eat every day. Just putting that out there for the universe. It'll be crawfish season soon and I'll be diving head first into that. 

I'm proud of myself for:

Doing so well at work. I'm not doing that much really...but I suppose I am. Not giving myself enough credit. I know what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm doing it. And i'm doing a good job at it and keeping a good attitude. It's good that I'm getting awards. I've earned them. 

I'm tired of pretending that: 

I'm okay when I'm not. 

What I actually want right now is: 

Another cigarette.