Wishes

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About a week ago I made a decision to stop saying "I wish ______." it's just complaining. and complaining doesn't do anything but make me more miserable, not to mention the people around me. Since I've decided to stop "wishing," i'm constantly catching myself doing it. Tonight in the bathtub, i knew what has to be done.

I wish...

...I could have repetative orgasms until I threw up & have them begin again when I recovered...I didn't live with my parents anymore...money was abundant...the weight would melt away...that boy would show me how much he likes me...I had more self-restraint...I didn't feel like I have to pretend all the time...I could just relax...I would have waited longer before I decided to have sex...I knew for sure that I don't have a drinking problem...I would quit smoking...I could get high again...I could have sex with my ex...my ex wasn't 20 years older than me and didn't have 6 kids & 3 ex-wives...my body didn't have so much hair on it...I didn't sweat as much...I was prettier...I had something charming to say in every circumstance...I had finished college...there was someone I could be completely honest with about every aspect of my life...I didn't have to go to work in the morning...I felt better about myself...I was certain of who I am...my periods wouldn't hurt so bad...I wasn't so mean to my mother...my brother would come back to us...I didn't have to wear braces on my legs...I could get off on something besides lesbian porn...I wasn't sleeping alone tonight...he would hold me tighter when I sleep next to him...he would look at me more than he looks at the television...I had chosen to live differently in college...I didn't have any secrets...I couldn't hear my parents arguing right now...I felt compassionate about people like I used to...every thought I had wasn't so self-involved...I had a driver & a personal shopper...my room was clean...that orgasm thing again...I didn't live so far away from town...I could walk for longer stretches...I could beat him at pool, or any game for that matter...he would put his tongue in my mouth more often...I felt like laughing more often.

I'm sure you were expecting something juicier than that.

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